Six Flags Great Adventure, which I now consider the shittiest theme park I have ever had the privilege of paying to visit, boasts “the tallest, fastest roller coaster on earth”. The only problem is that on Sunday it did nothing but break down all day. In fact, a google search for “kingda ka broken” yields a link to posts on a roller coaster forum detailing the trials and tribulations of attempting to make one’s way through the longest, slowest line on earth. Besides the witticisms written in anger — referring to the ride as Kingda Con and such — there were some very real arguments about people who travel hours for one reason only to be lied to all day.
Nineteen of us went to the park in celebration of Tim and Dia’s birthdays. The plan was to go on a bunch of roller coasters, tailgate in the parking lot once we had our fill, and head over to the water park afterwards. Nothing ever goes according to plan of course, but first a little back story.
Since I like to make things complicated, I had decided to throw two surprise parties at the same time. And since it was unlikely I could keep a surprise from one person let alone two whom I live with, and also because I’m slightly lazy, I decided to tell each that the party was a surprise for the other. I sent out two separate Evites for the outing and an e-mail to everyone except them explaining my little con.
People were skeptical that it would even work, but I was right in assuming that each was so intent on planning the other’s party that they didn’t suspect a thing. Since they both knew about the plans the only secret everyone had to keep was that the other knew the same plans.
It ended up being even more fun than I anticipated. Everyone talked about the big day at Great Adventure coming up when one of the two was out of the room. When one would leave and the other would stop by we just kept on talking about it. At one point Dia was secretly cleaning a condiment dispenser and Tim was inconspicuously loading a spare keg into the truck, each unknowing that the other was up to. I just made sure to log out of the computer whenever I was done checking my Evite or e-mail, and I took related phone calls in a bathroom whenever both were around.
The goal was to make it to lunch until we brought out cakes that read “Happy Birthday Suckers” and presents for both. Tim drove to Six Flags with the tailgating supplies after picking up Nathan and Tomas at the train station. He thought I was luring Dia out of the house on one of our regular brunches and would eventually have to tell her along the way that we’re actually going to Six Flags for her birthday. He even called to reminded me to pack a bathing suit and shorts for Dia. Dia on the other hand thought that Tom and April were “asking” Tim over in my Element to help them “transport a few empty boxes and take him out for brunch” in return, and that he’d figure out en route that they’re actually taking him to Six Flags for his birthday. She made sure to pack him a bathing suit and everything. Even the cakes were brought by Tom and April since I didn’t want Tim or Dia asking to see them. As far as the surprise went we were lucky. Since they arrived separately at the park each assumed the other “figured it out” and it never came down to either wanting to know how the other felt about being tricked. Dia threw her arms into the air and shouted a generic Happy Birthday but I think Tim assumed she was saying it to herself. (Dia even asked me when we got to the gate if Tim knew that this was all for him and how he felt about the surprise, though she never asked him outright.)
The whole deal looked like it was going to go off without a hitch. Unfortunately, people can only spend so much time in line waiting for a roller coaster without bringing up certain topics. About three hours into our wait for the infamous roller coaster Tim finally mentioned to Dia “at least we get to go to the water park after this.” When Tim told Dia that we packed her a bathing suit and Dia assured him no, that we packed him a suit, the jig was up. I mocked yelled “surprise” and those who were near us in line got to see the expressions of realization dawn on their faces.
If we hadn’t been in one line for so long everything would have fallen neatly into place. Instead, we found ourselves in a pretty long line right after entering the park at 10:30 a.m. Randy did a few calculations and figured if they kept shooting a car down the track every 77 seconds that we’d have a half hour wait until entering the queue and after that it would be smooth sailing. So for an hour and a half we waited in the sun and eventually made it to the actual entrance. At this point we put all our stuff in lockers while a ride attendant held the line. Then we zipped through the maze that followed, under the tracks themselves, to another line of people where we waited for another 20 minutes in the sun. After that we had a refreshing 45 minutes weaving back and forth under a tent with music, fans blowing mist and a refreshment cart. Eventually we were back in the sun for what we thought would be the final stretch; it ended up being our breaking point. It was here that we watched for 45 more minutes as mechanics worked on the tracks and one of the cars. It was during this time that Tim and Dia finally got together and discovered our little surprise. It was our final block of time in the sun that pushed us over the edge and forced us to realize we should cut our losses and salvage the rest of the afternoon by leaving the park for lunch.
On our way out we convinced Tim — who is by far the greatest negotiator I’ve met — to demand our money back. Unlike most people, who make foolish arguments like “the ride was broken” or “you’ve wasted my day”, he focused on valid points such as how we waited in the sun for extended periods of time while no one could give us a straight answer. Our biggest complaint was that we technically weren’t allowed to leave the line for any reason according to signs posted throughout, yet after three hours some of us needed to use the bathroom. After 15 minutes of talking with a customer relations representative and her manager and hearing nothing but “I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do”, we were told to exit through the gate and circle around to the Lost and Found counter for our refund. The manager even checked our hands to make sure we weren’t stamped for re-entry on the way out. Even after all that he had the audacity to tell us yet again that he still couldn’t help us; he had effectively tricked us out of the park where we were powerless to do anything. At this point some of us started yelling and Tim had everyone head out to the parking lot for lunch. I don’t know exactly how, but by the time we had everything set up for tailgating Tim strolled in with 15 vouchers for admission into the park at a later date. Not only that, but Tim also managed to swing 15 Gold tickets worth a $10 admission which about half of us used at the water park after lunch. Even after all this, our hope is that Randy — who purchased all our tickets with his credit card — will still dispute the charges and return to us our price of admission in the near future. If he doesn’t we still broke even, but if he does it means they essentially paid us to visit and that’s something that these jerks should be doing more often.
Successes for the day included grilling in the parking lot and having Tim’s brother show up. He arrived around 2 p.m. as we were leaving the park. I just happened to look up at the right time to catch him heading towards Kingda Ka so I stopped and presented him to Tim as a final surprise before continuing my march to the park exit. Jon had rented a car for the weekend just to come to the park and it was a shame that like us he didn’t get to go on and roller coasters, but the spare bathing suit we packed for Tim came in handy and he reportedly had a fun time. Actually, we all had a pretty good time at the water park for the hour and a half before it closed. Since we didn’t see any hours posted on the front of the gate, we complained a little again and received ten Silver coupons good for half price admission.
Failures on the day include not riding a single roller coaster and some little things about tailgating: forgetting a folding table, plates and forks, and our canopy for shade to name a few.
Luckily, everyone seems to have had a good time though I have yet to catch up with Luke and Dave who were the only ones not laughing it up with us in line for close to four hours. Tim said it best: “Even though we didn’t get on that damn ride, it just demonstrated that when you’re among friends you’ll have a great time regardless of the activity.” Though we’ll probably swing a return outing sooner, August 13 has been set aside for another large outing; mark it on your calendar. Fortunately, I have a clearer picture of what needs to be done to turn this Great Misadventure into success in the future.
